Dear Etiquetteer:
For the past few years, a dear college friend has put out a wish list on [Insert Name of Behemoth Retailer Here] for her friends and family. At first, I bristled at the list because I had been buying gifts for her for years without the help of a list. And also, her first list came out too late for me: I usually do my holiday shopping in October.
But recently, I have found myself perusing her lists, and enjoying the journey through her books, music, cooking supplies, and other things that have made her life enjoyable. I've even been poaching from her list (and letting her know which things I have found enjoyable).
I'm embarrassed that I found her first list so disagreeable (I only confided this to one friend), and I now enjoy when her list comes up. I was wondering what Etiquetteer feels about wish/gift lists. On the one hand, the element of surprise in a gift is quite diminished. But on the other hand, I know for certain that my friend will definitely find joy in something from her list. As for myself, I still can't bring myself to thrust a list upon the people who are dear to me, but I know it might make their shopping decisions a bit easier.
Dear Shopping:
Whether Etiquetteer likes wish lists or not, they have definitely come to stay. Too many shoppers, anxious to find a gift that is guaranteed to please, will turn to them for Holiday Hints. And too many recipients want a simple way to answer the question “What would you like for [Insert Holiday of Your Choice Here] this year?” It’s important to acknowledge that, when used thoughtfully and with Perfect Propriety, wish lists help to reduce Holiday Shopping Anxiety.
And just what is the Perfectly Proper way to use a wish list? First, wait to share it until someone asks about it. it’s easy to look selfish when broadcasting a wish list far and wide without invitation — often like Happy Couples with their wedding registries. Perhaps Etiquetteer is overly sensitive, but wish lists sometimes seem so transactional, less an act of friendship and/or generosity than just . . . commerce. Surely the Spirit of [Insert Holiday of Your Choice Here] is less cold than that, yes? You yourself note how the sense of surprise is diminished when a wish list is involved. Etiquetteer agrees.
Next, Etiquetteer worries about recipients who expect gifts from the wish list and who hand out side-eye to friends and family who choose something else. Life hands us many things we do not expect, and often they are just what we didn’t know we actually wanted. Express gratitude for all gifts received — and follow up with a Lovely Note immediately; it’s so reassuring to the giver.
A downside to wish lists from [Insert Behemoth Retailer Here] that has nothing to do with etiquette is that they concentrate commerce with the Behemoth Retailers and not with the many delightful small businesses throughout this Great Nation. Celebrate Retail Diversity by scrolling through that wish list, and then seeing where you can get some of those items more locally.
Finally, Etiquetteer has to salute you, Shopping, for finding a way to use your friend’s wish list to further your friendship. How lovely that you are discovering items that bring you joy from her list — that you might not have known about otherwise. Etiquetteer wishes you a stress-free Season of Shopping, with or without wish lists.