December 26, aside from being Boxing Day where that is observed, is now recognized as National Thank You Note Day, to underscore the obligation to express written gratitude for all those Christmas gifts received the day before. Many people fear this task because they either don’t know what to say, can’t think of anything original to say, or didn’t actually like or want the gift. People . . . this doesn’t have to be a fraught process! When you break down a Lovely Note into its elements, it’s quite easy to write something that someone else will be very happy to receive.
First, you start with the gift-giver’s name in the salutation. “Dear Grandma,” for instance. You’re already off to a great start. Then you need to include somewhere in your Lovely Note exactly what the gift was, and the words “thank you” or “thanks.” People are afraid of the “Thank you for the [Insert Gift Here]” sentence because it sounds lifeless. We can leaven this lump with other ingredients.
Those are mostly feelings: how you felt when you opened the box, how you feel about the gift, and how you feel about the giver. “As soon as I opened the box and saw [Insert Gift Here], I knew it had to be from you,” for instance, highlights the gift less than it does your relationship with the giver. “Every year your thoughtfulness makes my holiday brighter. The [Insert Gift Here] really adds something to our rooms. Thank you.” It’s brief — a Lovely Note never has to go on and on — it’s specific, and it sounds sincere.
The final ingredient, of course, is promptness. Lovely Notes served to the postman the next day taste better on receipt!
There will be Those People who will say “Etiquetteer, I don’t like the gift or the giver, and just what am I supposed to do about that?” And Etiquetteer will tell you to start this recipe with a deep, cleansing breath, write that Lovely Note to focus on the giver’s thoughtfulness (however unsatisfactory it might be to you), and then regift or donate the Gift in Question elsewhere. And in the New Year, you can perhaps communicate a bit more about your interests with the Giver(s) so that they understand what might appeal to you more (e.g. “I’ve really become more interested in [Insert Topic Here] and have been reading up on it a lot.”)*
Here’s the Perfectly Proper Procedure in recipe form. Now, let’s all head to our writing desks and get cookin’!
RECIPE FOR A PERFECTLY PROPER LOVELY NOTE
Ingredients
Stationery
Pen(s) in good working order
Name of Gift Giver
Specific gift(s) for which giver is being thanked
The words “Thank you” or “Thanks,” to taste
Your Name
Envelope
Address of Gift Giver
Return address
Postage stamps
Method
On stationery, take pen and begin salutation with “Dear [Insert Name of Gift Giver].
Combine the next four ingredients to taste, legibly, for Lovely Note. Don’t omit anything, which will compromise results.
Close with your name.
Fold stationery, insert in envelope, and seal.
Apply Giver’s name and address, return address, and postage.
Leave on salver in the front hall for footman to take to the post office. (Deliver to post office yourself if footmen are unobtainable.)
*For instance, Etiquetteer had sent someone a gift of chocolates one year, and took note some months later when a hint was dropped that, medically, chocolates were Not At All Suitable for that person.