“This is war, not a garden party!'“ — Harry Davenport as Dr. Meade in Gone With the Wind (1939)
"Never again will you dare in my presence to condone your crimes under the mask of patriotism. No more of such talk, do you hear?!" — Flora Robson as Elizabeth I in The Sea Hawk (1940)
“If you want to hang around, you’ll be polite.” — Humphrey Bogart as Sam Spade in The Maltese Falcon (1941)
“Lawlessness by the mob, as with the individual, will not be tolerated. We will act firmly and quickly to put down riot or insurrection wherever and whenever the situation requires.” — Ronald Reagan as President of the United States in real life
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Many people remain horrified by the insurrection of January 6 that was incited by President Trump and others. Etiquetteer has been numb with anger — but not, sadly, disbelief. It has been difficult to know how to respond to this attack on a coequal branch of government; this is hardly the time to talk about Lovely Notes and afternoon tea! Anger and humor have been washing over the internet in roughly equal measure, but Etiquetteer can’t really find the spirit to be flippant*, even about the shocking fashion choices made by some of the insurrectionists.**
All this led to the question of what a Perfectly Proper America should look like, as opposed to its current, bitterly divided state. Which led Etiquetteer to Carl Sagan’s oft-quoted and chillingly prescient prophecy in his book The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark:
“I have a foreboding of an America in my children's or grandchildren's time — when the United States is a service and information economy; when nearly all the manufacturing industries have slipped away to other countries; when awesome technological powers are in the hands of a very few, and no one representing the public interest can even grasp the issues; when the people have lost the ability to set their own agendas or knowledgeably question those in authority; when, clutching our crystals and nervously consulting our horoscopes, our critical faculties in decline, unable to distinguish between what feels good and what's true, we slide, almost without noticing, back into superstition and darkness . . .
”The dumbing down of American is most evident in the slow decay of substantive content in the enormously influential media, the 30 second sound bites (now down to 10 seconds or less), lowest common denominator programming, credulous presentations on pseudoscience and superstition, but especially a kind of celebration of ignorance."
Well . . . we’re there! A friend posted this on social media, and the question that immediately rose in Etiquetteer’s mind was “How do we reverse this trend?” It is going to take a lot of work, by all of us.
Every citizen needs a refresher course on what Honor is, and how to behave honorably in daily life. The dictionary provides several definitions, but the relevant ones are 1a, “a good name or public esteem;” 4, “One whose worth brings respect or fame;***” and 8a, “A keen sense of ethical conduct.” Most of us overlook the point at the end of the Declaration of Independence that Life and Fortune were not held sacred by the Founders, but Honor was: “And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.”
Being an honorable citizen means taking responsibility for your actions, and doing so without comparison. In the case of the insurrectionists, pointing to other protests and protestors and saying “Well, they were protesting, too!” is a) false equivalence, and b) irrelevant. Insurrection and sedition are a) not protest, and b) still Not Perfectly Proper whether others protest different causes. Other people’s behavior isn’t up for discussion now; participating in and/or aiding and abetting an insurrection is. Own it.
Last week’s violent insurrection could have been avoided with a gracious concession as soon as the AP called the presidential election on the Saturday after Election Day. But President Trump had signaled long before that concession was not possible for him. Almost anticipating he would not win, he seemed to prefer fighting America by deceiving his followers about both election results and government processes. It shouldn’t be necessary to say that he has not behaved honorably, but it is.
Each of us also needs to return to America’s founding documents, the Declaration and the Constitution, so that they actually know and understand what they’re protesting. There’s an awful lot of vigorous discussion on the internet about how Constitutional amendments may or may not be used for particular purposes, but not with a universal grasp of their meaning. Do your own reading; don’t let others do it for you. (And this is just as important for Etiquetteer as anyone else; these documents haven’t exactly been bedside reading here.) And whenever these documents are introduced in school curricula . . . well, it should be done a year or two earlier.
From there we need to cultivate the twin qualities of Discernment and Discretion. Too few of us (including Etiquetteer) miss essential subtleties in distinguishing both true and hidden meanings, bold and obscure statements. And once we have been able to come to our own conclusions, it isn’t necessary to tweet and toot everything. In Edith Wharton’s essential The Age of Innocence, the Countess Olenska perfectly understood why the van der Luydens were so influential: because they made opportunities to see them very rare. In other words, if we’d all shut up and research more of what we’re talking about, our contributions to National Discourse might be more considered, insightful, useful, and respected.
Then, at last we get to manners and etiquette. Etiquetteer has said it and said it, but it’s still true: don’t feed the trolls, block them. Their sole purpose is to spread mischief and discord. Ignore them. It’s Perfectly Proper to remind a Senator that they voted to acquit an impeached President in 2019, but adding an F-bomb is only likely to get you suspended from your Preferred Online Platform. Believe Etiquetteer, the sting of “Traitor” and “Insurrectionist” are sufficient.
While there have already been some urgent calls for unity, Etiquetteer wants to see some accountability and contrition first. Already we are seeing the corporate version of the old Regency custom of the “cut direct.” Businesses large and small are severing their relationships with President Trump and other politicians and citizens involved in this sedition. This is likely to extend to social circles, where invitations will dry up. Other participants are being denied access to air travel (whether for ending up on the No Fly List, refusing to wear masks, or unruly behavior remains unknown; all have been suggested).
Etiquetteer very much wants the United States to be truly United; this nation has not been so bitterly divided since 1860. We will be closer to that day when the enormity of last week’s violent insurrection is truly realized by those who justified it (and those who continue to justify it), and when more informed citizens can participate in the National Dialogue with “less heat, more light.” Etiquetteer doesn’t have all the answers, but is ready to join the discussion.
*Finding inspiration in Golden Age Hollywood is not flippant by definition.
**”Why Rioters Wear Costumes” in The New York Times, offers some interesting observations on this topic.
***It is most important here to distinguish between Fame and Notoreity. President Trump is notorious, not famous, because of his behavior.