Readers brought Etiquetteer’s attention to a few news stories in the last week.
The most sensational is the story of a New Hampshire woman who chose to vote topless when told that her T-shirt violated the dress code. No, it wasn’t because she wasn’t more formally dressed* but because her T-shirt - how to say this delicately? - included an unflattering image of a political candidate. In New Hampshire and everywhere else, there are “laws against electioneering inside polling places.” That includes clothing for or against any candidate. While this woman definitely chose the more expedient response, it would have been Perfectly Proper to adjourn to the ladies room and return wearing the shirt inside-out. Of course it would have been Most Perfectly Proper not to have worn anything disparaging a candidate in the first place. It’s much more discreet, and respectful of the voting process and fellow citizens, to wear the national colors or something with the flag printed on it.**
Then Boston Globe writer Beth Teitell wrote a piece about wedding stress during the Time of the Coronavirus. Etiquetteer wants you to read this very carefully because all of it is going to impact the winter holidays whether you like it or not. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, New Year’s Eve - many of us have not realized it yet, but the large and longed-for Great Feast won’t happen in the same way. Start thinking about it now . . . and start sending your questions and concerns to Etiquetteer here.
That got Etiquetteer thinking about a piece sent by a Friend in a Distant Place from the Washington Post about the pros and cons of overnight houseguests. The writer, Kathy Stevenson, almost doesn’t miss a thing: the request to stay veiled as a search for nearby hotels, the oblique jockeying for knowledge studded with Unhelpful Phrases like “If it’s not too much trouble . . . “ or “whatever you’d like to do,” etc. Ms. Stevenson didn’t mention the clash of routines, when Morning People come to stay with Night People and vice versa. She quotes Jane Austen to describe the Perfectly Proper visit: “It was a delightful visit; — perfect, in being much too short.” To which Etiquetteer can only add the deathless words of the late Roxy Hart: “Always leave ‘em wanting more.”
And then there’s this article from Marie Claire about white after Labor Day that was sent to Etiquetteer in response to the recent column on the subject:
Dear Etiquetteer:
Hmmm, is it still PC to follow the old rule of not wearing white after Labor Day because of its roots in the class system? Apparently it shows the person who follows this rule is of a higher class than someone who doesn’t. In this time of challenging social injustice and breaking down white superiority, perhaps it is time to put this tradition to rest. Just putting it out there. 😘
Dear Friend and Reader:
It is interesting to note that the writer rather guts her thesis by quoting the esteemed Judith Martin, Miss Manners Herself, who says “There were many little rules that people did dream up in order to annoy those from whom they wished to disassociate themselves. But I do not believe this is one of them." And you know that Etiquetteer is going to stand with Miss Manners on this. One really understands why the writer wrote this when, at the very end, she confesses to wearing white after Labor Day herself and refuses to be criticized any more about it. Making it all about her when it’s not about her!
But your point about living our lives with less Snobbery and more acknowledgment of our Common Humanity is well taken. Rather than focus on fashion choices, Etiquetteer would find it more effective to challenge social injustice and break down white superiority by ending voter suppression, systemic racism, and tax relief for the wealthiest corporations. It doesn’t matter what you wear when so engaged. 😘
*But Etiquetteer thinks it shows respect for oneself and for one’s country by dressing respectably to go to the polls.
**It should not be necessary to remind you that it is illegal to use an actual American flag as clothing. The U.S. Flag Code states “The flag should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery.”