Dear Etiquetteer:
I have received several messages forwarded on [Insert Social Media Platform Here] from a very close and longtime friend. These involve missing children and adults. I understand the impetus to share these notifications in order to increase the chances that somewhere, someone, may have relevant information. When I click on the links to find out more, it sometimes turns out that the missing person has come to an untimely end or has been found safe. It seems that my friend forwards these messages without reading the actual post. When I pointed this out on one recent occasion and suggested that she take a minute to read the post before forwarding, her reply was "Probably not gonna happen." I thought this was rude. Your thoughts? I feel this relates to the larger question of people's propensity to forward posts that they have not verified (I use snopes.com to check before forwarding anything that seems suspicious.)
Dear Posted:
You’re absolutely right. Your query does relate to that Larger Propensity! So let’s be clear: it’s rude to take up people’s time by forwarding information that is inaccurate or untruthful, regardless of the sender’s good intentions. Etiquetteer wants first to talk about your friend, and then the Larger Propensity and What to Do About It.
Your Very Close Longtime Friend's (VCLF) concern about the issue of missing persons is to be commended, but her way of expressing it is not. Circulating information about missing persons who have already been found as though they were still missing does nothing to solve the problem. It only makes VCLF look like a well-meaning dunderhead. And we all know what happened to the Boy Who Cried Wolf: he became the wolf’s dinner entrée.
Until her reaction to your Gentle Correction, Etiquetteer was almost willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. But “Probably not gonna happen” is not Perfectly Proper. It would have been nicer if she’d said “Thanks,” - even if she persisted in her behavior - but there we are, she didn’t. That says a lot about her.
How do we get you out of this? It’s not going to help to tell her that she looks like an Ignorant Fool by forwarding out-of-date posts. Since VCLF is a very close and longtime friend, that gives you the privilege of sharing how uncomfortable she’s made you feel. Have a calm and candid conversation (in person or voice-to-voice, not via text or social media). Let her know that she’s left you feeling disrespected - even though you’re sure she didn’t want to convey that* - because of the way she’s filling your inbox with out-of-date information. If she persists, explain kindly that you’ll need to block incoming messages or mute her profile in an effort to cut down on spam. Then do it if the behavior doesn’t change. Yes, that’s serious, but VCLF needs to understand that bad behavior has consequences.
NOW . . . let’s try to tackle the Larger Propensity. Two Old Maxims guide us on this issue: "Know the Truth, and the Truth shall make you free**” and "Honesty is the best policy***.” Combine these and you get "Check Your Information.”
HOW TO VERIFY INFORMATION BEFORE FORWARDING
Etiquetteer does acknowledge how easy it is to forward bad info. We see something on the internet that excites our emotions - anger, anxiety, happiness, vindication, etc. - and immediately want to share it. We want to share it because we agree with it, because it justifies our opinions and feelings, because we want other people to have the same reaction, because we want to prove other people wrong. Let’s face it, though: this is just what the Russians want us to do!
So the next time to see something that excites you so much you want to share it, harness the power of the internet to make sure it’s true. Yes, that could involve some tedium, but Etiquetteer assures you it’s worth the time and effort.
Here’s how, using a meme about the Electoral College as an example.
First, NEVER forward a meme with statistics without checking them. Etiquetteer’s research into this meme showed several inaccuracies as well as things that were true:
1. According to the government, there are indeed 3,141 counties (or county equivalents) in the USA.
1a. It is false that Trump won 3,084 counties and Clinton won 57 according to Snopes. You’ll note in the Snopes article that the Associated Press has “pegged it at 2,626 to 487, not 3,084 to 57.” They also note that the flawed count cited in the meme comes from an article on a Notorious Website Etiquetteer Will Not Deign to Name.
2. There are indeed 62 counties in the state of New York; here’s the list.
3. According to the Federal Election Commission, Clinton’s popular vote was 65,853,516 (page 2 of 10 on linked pdf) to Trump’s 62,984,825 (page 6 of 10), which comes to a difference of 2,868,691, almost double the 1.5 million cited in the meme. These figures are publicly available and the meme creator should have known better.
Why should anyone trust or take seriously arguments put forward in a meme with so much inaccurate data? If you feel strongly about an issue - in this case the Electoral College - advocate your views using honest info. It’s the same with news organizations. Check their About pages and find out how long they’ve been around and where their income comes from.
Now if Etiquetteer can ferret out all this information on the internet, anyone can - YOU can (and so can your VCLF). Happy hunting!
HOW TO CALL SOMEONE’S ATTENTION TO INACCURATE INFORMATION
Let’s say someone you know has posted something that’s untrue, and you feel the need to tell them. The first thing to do is not embarrass them publicly by calling them out on social media. Your goal is to change the behavior, not lock them in a pillory in the public square and fling mud at them. Public shaming does nothing to change people’s minds, in Etiquetteer’s experience.
After you’ve done your own research into the accuracy of what they posted, contact them privately, share what you’ve learned, and suggest they remove the post. Acknowledge how they feel about the issue at hand; obviously this is something they care about. “Missing persons are important!” your VCLF might respond, for instance. And that’s true, but spreading inaccuracies will make people care less, not more, and will also make people care less about what you have to share with them.
Etiquetteer wishes you strength and patience as you take this up with your VCLF.
*At least, let’s hope she didn’t!
**John 8:32.
***Benjamin Franklin