Dear Etiquetteer: When talking with a colleague in my own work space, how can I tactfully say, "Can you stop talking now so I can get to my meeting on time?" or "Can you cut it short and get to the point, I've got to get back to work?" Dear Intruded: All of us are busy people and should not be embarrassed about keeping to our schedules during the work day. If you’re going to be late to a meeting, grab your notebook and stand up and say "I wish I could talk longer but I can’t be late for my meeting. Could we schedule a time to discuss this later?" This should make it your colleague’s responsibility to schedule an appointment.If you plan to stay in your office to continue work, the best way to end the conversation is still to stand up. Then apologize, always with a tone of Infinite Regret, that you have a deadline to fulfill but that you would love to chat later.
Dear Etiquetteer:Is there a kind way to ignore or address someone who keeps tooting their own horn or sounding like a broken record on something whether a complaint or positive thing?Dear, oh dear:It’s best not to go for the obvious "Oh yes, you mentioned that before, every day for the last month." Some noncommittal pleasantry – "Great!" "That’s too bad" – and then a hasty change of topic should get the message across.Dear Etiquetteer:Is it ok to listen to music in the office?Dear Musical:If you can listen to your music without anyone else having to listen to it, and you can still hear your phone when it rings, go right ahead. Etiquetteer promises not to inflict The Brazilian Recordings of Carmen Miranda on you if you promise not to inflict whatever that head-banging thrasher music is you favor on Etiquetteer.Dear Etiquetteer:What is the best way to answer the phone? Is it appropriate just to say, "[Insert Company Name Here.]" Shouldn't we all use our names so no matter who is calling, they know with whom they are speaking?Dear Phoned:Etiquetteer always answers the phone "[Insert Company Name Here], Etiquetteer." It’s brief, concise, and specific. And Etiquetteer answers the phone this way even when recognizing the phone number of the incoming caller. Nothing is so embarrassing as answering the phone with a big "Hello darling!" and finding out that, instead of the person you expected, it’s really the Company President or a Humorless Bigwig.
Dear Etiquetteer:What should we say, or not say, in public spaces? Our clients, volunteers, temp workers, etc. are everywhere and some conversations are better left not discussed in the reception area or in offices where folks are known to pop in.Dear Discreet:The late William Shakespeare used to say "Discretion is the better part of valor." And yet we all grow so safe in our office environments that we can occasionally let loose with a "Well, we’ve got to keep the old farts happy" without realizing that a meeting of old farts is taking place in the nearby conference room with the door open. Or you could, perhaps, use hair-curling profanity without knowing who’s around the corner. And it could be anyone, from the Chairman of the Board to your Most Conniving Colleague. As a general rule, if you find yourself dropping your voice to say something, you shouldn’t be saying it where you are.
Find yourself at a manners crossroads and don't know where to go? Ask Etiquetteer at query@etiquetteer.com! Etiquetteer cordially invites you to join the notify list if you would like to know as soon as new columns are posted. Join by sending e-mail to notify@etiquetteer.com.
Dear Etiquetteer: We have a small conference room in our office suite. When having a meeting in the conference room, should the door be closed for every type of meeting or event? Dear Roomy: That depends on how much you want to asphyxiate the people attending the meeting; after all, hot air needs an outlet. Etiquetteer really recommends keeping the door shut as long as your office ventilation system permits, not only so that a meeting doesn’t disturb those working nearby, but so that the proceedings remain as confidential as possible.Dear Etiquetteer:With over 80% of people in our office in open cubicles, when is it appropriate to ask others to quiet down or talk elsewhere? What is TOO loud for an office? Dear Overheard:When you bleed from the ears, that’s a sign something is too loud. Rattling windows are usually a dead giveaway, too.And unfortunately, Etiquetteer will confess to being one of the worst offenders. Etiquetteer must tell you that he has been approached in office environments with the urgent but respectful request to keep it down because Etiquetteer’s personal volume has inhibited teleconferences, small meetings, and the concentration of others. If you can pretend embarrassment when making the request, you will give the impression that there’s no personal rancor.Speaking on behalf of Those of Us Who Are Too Loud – and you know who you are, and believe Etiquetteer, so does everyone else – we are really not trying to disrupt the World Order, we just forget how loud we are.
Office Etiquette I, Vol. 4, Issue 14
Dear Etiquetteer: Is it ok to be grumpy in the office? Let's face it, we are humans and have bad days, but how can we deal with people who are consistently grumpy, negative, stressed or difficult in which to interact? Dear Grumpy: One of Etiquetteer’s guiding principles about everyday manners is that no one cares about how you feel or what you want. They just don’t care. And yes, we all have bad days. But bad days come in degrees. You can have a bad day because the bus was late and overcrowded, because you lost a six-figure contract, or because a family emergency brought you to the hospital at 2:00 AM. The more we can realize that no one else cares about our troubles, the more we can keep them in perspective. This doesn’t mean we all have to be perky little Stepford wives, but it does mean we need to be professionally conscious of the emotions and atmosphere we project at the office.Dealing with grumpy colleagues – well, brevity is the soul of productivity. As much as possible, transact your business in the shortest amount of time. In meetings, you might neutralize someone’s Black Cloud of Need by brainstorming positive aspects or solutions to the issues at hand, or directing the conversation to other, more upbeat colleagues.
Dear Etiquetteer: When working at my desk, nice, amiable co-workers often approach me to stop by to chat for a few minutes. Normally this wouldn't seem like a problem; after all I love a good chat. However, because my desk is in a high-traffic zone this happens multiple times a day, and pretty soon those five-minute chats add up to some serious time that I could have used to get my work done. How can I politely let people know that although I enjoy a good chat I don't have the band-width to chat so frequently, and that it's not just them stopping by – it’s everyone?Dear Chatted:Always apologize that you don’t have the time to talk – not because your slave-driver boss is monitoring your workplace activities for slacking, but that you simply must complete your task at hand in a short period of time. Then turn back to your computer or pick up the phone. Thinking colleagues will realize that it’s not about them.
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Dear Etiquetteer: I hate when people hit reply to all when someone has e-mailed the office to say that they are going to be out of the office and then you get sucked into a warp of e-mails that have nothing to do with you. Dear Communicated: Etiquetteer could not agree with you more that people should pay more attention to whom they are e-mailing, and will illustrate with a true story – reported as part of a story on e-mail in court cases reported by the Boston Globe in 1997 – that involves video messaging, carelessness, and adultery. It seems two mid-level managers at a Great Big Company were having an affair, and had also been given laptops with built-in video cameras (along with all the other mid-level managers). Well, the female of the couple checked into a hotel for a conference, set up her laptop and, shall we say, made a very explicit invitation to her lover. She then sent it to 400 people employed by the Great Big Company, including her boss, her employees, and total strangers.This little story ought to prove that one should ALWAYS check the To: line of one's e-mail when replying to be sure one isn’t talking to the Whole Entire World. Your workplace may have a particular policy about communicating when you will be out of the office, but Etiquetteer continues to believe that the best way is to set an automatic e-mail response and to update your voicemail message