Dear Etiquetteer:
I was overdue to host our book club, so I volunteered for one of our autumn meetings. There is one woman who brings her little dog everywhere, including to other people’s homes. It hasn’t been an issue before as the last couple people to host have had dogs, too. My landlord has a “no pets” rule but I don't think that will dissuade her. She made a point of telling everyone last night that she can’t leave the dog home alone because she barks and disturbs the neighbors with whom she shares a common wall.
I don’t dislike dogs but I’m more of a cat person. I really don’t want her dog in my home, and heaven forfend on my ivory sofa. Yes, she puts the dog right next to her on the host’s furniture. Do I just have to bite my tongue and allow her to bring the dog and make sure she doesn’t grab a seat on the sofa, or is there an extremely polite way to let her know she’s welcome to leave her dog at home or at her daughter’s house?
Dear Dogged:
It’s your house, so your rules apply. If you don’t want dogs in your house, you need to make that clear far enough in advance that your fellow members can make other plans. Any pre-meeting announcement needs to include that information. “My home is a Pet Free Zone; thanks for your understanding.”
Notice that this language applies to all pets, not just to Sweet Precious Darling. But if SPD attends so many book club meetings that it’s an auxiliary member, its owner will know where that instruction is directed. It would be courteous for you to tell her in advance even of the announcement that she’ll need to make other arrangements so that a) the dog isn’t home alone to annoy the neighbors, and b) isn’t in your home to annoy you.
There are so many Good Dog Owners out there who understand that their own doggies are not universally invited, but their thoughtfulness is often obscured by Indulgent Dog Owners who put their own convenience (and possibly the dog’s) over anyone else’s. It’s likely that your fellow member will confront you about your rule and try to get you to make an exception. Don’t back down. Reply that you wanted to be sure she knew in plenty of time so she could find an alternative since you remembered that SPD couldn’t be left home alone. And of course she would want to show as much courtesy to a fellow book club member as she would to her neighbors . . . Should she question you about why you even have a No Pets Rule, don’t take the bait, and don’t blame the landlord. “That’s not up for discussion. All you need to know is that I can’t have dogs here, and I really appreciate your understanding and bringing her someplace else before the club meeting. That means a lot to me.”
In a worst case scenario, have three or four old towels on hand just in case she worms her doggie into your house somehow. They can be used for a dog bed on the floor.
Etiquetteer wishes you well as you fulfill your book club obligations within the rules of your household. It would be very naughty of you to recommend that the book club take up any of the works of Barbara Woodhouse.
And this publication would also be a bit obvious for the book club, too.