Now that coronavirus vaccines have been available for awhile, Etiquetteer has noticed an increase in social media posts from people announcing that they “got the jab.” These run from simple statements (“Got my first vaccine!”) to photographs of the person actually getting the shot, to images of vaccine cards. The latter do not always obscure information that would be valuable to thieves.
There’s also a backlash of irritation at these public offerings. Etiquetteer can imagine several reasons for this: a distaste for sharing information that should be private, jealousy, suspicion someone jumped the line and anger when it’s confirmed they did, or a belief that it’s really bragging — a sort of “Nyah, nyah, I’m better than you are because I already have the vaccine!”
Etiquetteer would like to offer some more positive motivations for posting vaccine status, but also suggest a little more discretion. Discretion used to be considered a hallmark of Perfect Propriety; ladies and gentlemen never divulged all except to their most intimate friends and family members, and then never in writing. Indeed, a gentleman never wrote a love letter to his inamorata that could imply his feelings were reciprocated — especially if she was already married. But since Social Media has made us a less discreet society*, the Unutterabilities are blithely broadcast to all and sundry.
We’re a year plus into a global health crisis that has affected every single person on the planet; we are all, Etiquetteer suspects, feeling a Frantic Despair about ever returning to a “normal,” Perfectly Proper Life. Getting the vaccine must feel like unlocking the next level in the Pandemic Video Game. Of course that’s exciting news people want to share. Yes, it’s private information, but this is not at all like a very young child who can’t wait to say that they made a Number Two in the Big Potty.
For the very, very many people who are still distrustful of the vaccine, seeing the wave of others successfully receiving it may lead them to get vaccinated themselves — “a consummation devoutly to be wished” — which we need to have happen to eradicate the coronavirus. There are other moving stories about why individuals chose to share their status in this very helpful article from KHN.
If you decide to post your vaccination status after you Get Jabbed, Etiquetteer wants you not to post an image of your vaccination card. Even the Federal Trade Commission says it’s a no-no. They suggest posting a photo of your “vaccination site,” meaning the bandage where the needle went in, not the building. If you do that, prepare for a lot of “Grandma, what big arms you have!” comments. Etiquetteer thinks the FTC’s other suggestion, to post a photo of a vaccination sticker, is more discreet.
If your first reaction to someone’s vaccine news is tut-tutting to yourself, keep it to yourself. Goethe was said to have permitted only silence from the audience to express disapproval**, never booing or catcalling. It’s Perfectly Proper advice here, too.
Dear Etiquetteer:
There are many different possible responses to vaccine recipients. Someone in my husband's family made a very inappropriate response when he heard that we had both received the vaccine. My husband and I are not in the same age group. Because he doesn't have a great history with some medications, I went with him in case he had a bad reaction. Although my age group was not yet eligible, I was able to receive the vaccine. When he heard our news, this relative made a very, very negative and impolite comment on the phone. I haven't seen this person in over a year but probably will soon and I worry about another impolite comment. Your suggestions for how to handle this would be most appreciated.
Thank you again so much!
Dear Jabbed Wife:
The pandemic is, sadly, really stripping away the facades of Perfect Propriety for many people we thought we knew. Of course Etiquetteer remembers vividly the cry of Mildred Pierce — “Veda, I think I’m really seeing you for the first time, and you’re cheap and horrible!” — but an episode of The Twilight Zone, “The Shelter,” is really more apt.
What has been said cannot be unsaid, but what has yet to be said has not yet formed. Because this Offensive Relative is a member of your husband’s family, it is your husband’s place to resolve this problem***. Etiquetteer does not think your Offensive Relative is guaranteed to make more offensive comments when you meet in person, but understands your concern about that happening. Don’t raise the topic of the pandemic at all; but if it does come up, and a Nasty Crack is made, it’s up to your husband to make it known that what was said was both untrue and deeply offensive.
For yourself, refrain from confrontational questions like “So this is what you’ve thought of us all this time?” You might not like the answer. But never underestimate the value of the Icy Stare and the Deeply Uncomfortable Silence. If you’re wearing a mask you may have to put some more ice in your stare than usual. But don’t even say one little word until the Offender has offered an apology. Etiquetteer has writhed and withered under the Icy Stare before; it truly conveys the enormity of someone’s error.
Etiquetteer wishes you Health, Safety, and Perfect Propriety during this continuing pandemic. You may send your Pandemic Perfect Propriety questions to Etiquetteer here.
*No kidding!
**Where did Etiquetteer read that?
***If it was someone in your family, you would take the lead.