Tradition vs. Fashion as the Seasons Change, Vol. 13, Issue 47

Labor Day 2014 has decidedly come and gone, and the Perfectly Proper now complete their workday toilettes without the summer staples of seersucker, linen, and especially for those who are sticklers of tradition as Etiquetteer is, white shoes. Each year Etiquetteer feels a tinge of sadness treeing and bagging his white bucks. This is not helped by fashion gurus like Tim Gunn saying all the old rules need to be broken! Perhaps the thrill of white shoes is made more special by the artificial construct of an "official" season in which to wear them. And why not? We only eat Christmas cookies at Christmas. Special things are reserved for special times. Etiquetteer is happy to go along.

Fashion has ever been ephemeral, fleeting, nonsensical, and often frustrating. Abigail Adams herself, fresh from colonial Boston in London, observed "There is a rage of fashion which prevails here with despotick sway. The couleur & kind of silk must be attended to; & the day for putting it on & of[f], no fancy to be exercised, but it is the fashion & that is argument sufficient."* But let's face it, the everyday dress of Americans in the 21st century has much less to do with Fashion, or even with Style (alas!) than it does with Careless Convenience. And that, dear readers, is a sad state of affairs.

And with that, Etiquetteer is quickly going to knot a neat bow tie and head to the office.

*Quoted in Dearest Friend: A Life of Abigail Adams, by Lynne Withey, p. 161.

Reader Response: White After Labor Day: Vol. 6, Issue 31

Etiquetteer was surprised and gratified by the number of people who responded to the recent column on white after Labor Day:

From a well-read gentleman: May I offer an additional resource into evidence? Vogue's Book of Etiquette (1948), by the inimitable Millicent Fenwick, matron extraordinaire and later an esteemed Representative from New Jersey. It was the first major post-World War II etiquette book, IIRC, and was highly esteemed in its day. I would suggest that the issue is not so much that white was verboten as such between Labor Day and Memorial Day, but that it was commendable in the country (as opposed to town) in certain situations between Memorial Day and Labor Day. (The issue is between prescription and proscription - subtle but important.) That may explain the lack of commentary in the works you referenced.

From a genteel person of discernment: That there is such wide-spread disagreement regarding a subject that makes no appearance in the literature until 1982 suggests that the boundary dates for summer whites is one of those time-honored traditions that, like diamond engagement rings, grill forks, and Christmas, have only become honored in relatively recent times, either for economic benefit or as a means of social exclusion, as in the case of dear Mrs. Hammersley. It is, of course, disrespectful to wear white to certain ceremonial functions, such as a wedding if one is not the bride, but who can truly claim offense on a warm Autumn afternoon if the gentleman at the next table on the club patio is neatly attired in a tasteful white coat and tie?

Etiquetteer responds: I don't know that it's a question of "claiming offense" if someone is not dressed according to the rules, but it does identify them as people who don't know the rules or, even worse, as people who ignore the rules; the latter could be considered dangerous to know.

From a stylish urbanite: There are two things I mourn each September: the herds of moving vans that clog the streets of my city and the storage of my summer whites. Thanks so much for insightful and amusing column on this worthy tradition. And look at it this way: cashmere season is just around the corner!

Dear Etiquetteer:

No white after Labor Day you declare. Now I can understand tucking away the seersucker -- it always speaks of summer holidays I think -- but the color itself is expelled? Just what is the so-called "winter white" then?

Dear Whitened:

Etiquetteer defines "winter white" as a shade one or two notches away from the usual blindingly bright white we’re used to seeing in summer and in the underwear aisle. Yahoo! describes winter white as "cream-colored wool." In 2005 Perry Ellis described a winter white sweater as "ivory." Etiquetteer thinks you could get a whole descriptive range from Benjamin Moore or Sherwin Williams, but you get the idea.

White After Labor Day, Vol. 6, Issue 29

Not too long ago Etiquetteer witnessed a particularly unpleasant exchange on an Internet message board. The subject was the long-standing tradition not wearing white after Labor Day, and many participants heaped scorn on this beloved (at least by Etiquetteer) and time-honored tradition, and on anyone who would follow it. Disturbing as that was, Etiquetteer was equally disturbed to see such widespread disagreement about the roots of the tradition and to exactly which articles of clothing it affected. So Etiquetteer decided enough was enough and to get right down to the bottom of it . . . which was easier said than done.

Etiquetteer turned first to his own library of etiquette books:

The Book of Good Manners: A Guide to Polite Usage for All Social Functions by Frederick H. Martens (1923) overlooked it. Kindly Etiquette for Busy People by Rae Welch (1936) declined to include it. Emily Post’s Etiquette (the 1937 edition) made no reference to it. Today’s Etiquette by Lillian Eichler (1940) maintained silence on it. Esquire Etiquette: A Guide to Business, Sports, and Social Conduct (1953) did not mention it. Amy Vanderbilt’s Complete Book of Etiquette (1954) failed to discuss it. I Try to Behave Myself by Peg Bracken (1964) completely bypassed it.

Judith Martin, upon whom may the Deity of Your Choice heap many blessings, at last mentions it in her definitive Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior (1982). She seconds her approach even more vigorously in Miss Manners’ Guide to the Turn-of-the-Millennium (1990), which Etiquettteer encourages you to read on page 149. And she further clarifies in Miss Manners Rescues Civilization (1996).

Now one would think that if anyone would make a complete 100% declarative statement brooking no dissent it would be Miss Manners. And she does, but only in terms of white shoes . . . and that is frustrating. You may be sure, at least, that she and Etiquetteer agree that the wearing of white shoes is bounded by the holidays Americans use to define summer: Memorial Day and Labor Day.

After that, Etiquetteer was horrified to learn that no less an authority than the Emily Post Institute has declared that the rule no longer applies! (The passage in question is midway down the page.) Etiquetteer can only consider this blasphemy.

But what of the rest of one’s outer wardrobe? In the complete absence of written evidence Etiquetteer has little to go on but the films of Ingmar Bergman (you will recall that everyone wears spotless white during Bergman summers) and the story of Lily Hammersley from Marian Fowler’s wonderful book In a Gilded Cage. Mrs. Hammersley, socially treading on thin ice anyway, spent the summers of her first marriage in Newport. There, she sat alone ostentatiously dressed entirely in white on the lawn of her club. No one spoke to her, and she was frequently derided behind her back. A few years later, all the ladies appeared in white outfits unrelieved by any color at all. But by this time Mrs. Hammersley had divorced (!) and moved overseas. At least Etiquetteer thinks that’s how the story went. If you find out otherwise, please let Etiquetteer know.

After all this rooting about, Etiquetteer still feels on shaky ground, but hardly ready to give way. Indeed, Etiquetteer has even offered an opinion in the discussion at Faking Good Breeding, a fashion blog.

So today, Labor Day, Etiquetteer will lovingly lay away his folds of white linen and blue seersucker and carefully tree and bag his white bucks until next Memorial Day, and will prepare to Wag an Admonitory Digit at those who don’t.

Etiquetteer cordially invites you to join the notify list if you would like to know as soon as new columns are posted. Join by sending e-mail to notify <at> etiquetteer.com.

White After Labor Day, Vol. 5, Issue 32

Dear Etiquetteer:

A group of us are planning to vacation together at a Southern beach resort this fall, a trip we’re all looking forward to. Last week one of my friends was casually talking about packing and said "Well, I’m definitely not packing anything white since it’ll be well after Labor Day." This led to a whole discussion about what was really right or not. One person said no white after Labor Day was right, and someone else said that that rule only applied to bags and shoes. Someone else even said that those rules didn’t apply if you’re on vacation or especially at the beach. What’s the real story on this, Etiquetteer?

Dear Whited Out:

How Etiquetteer wishes that all etiquette could be as straightforward as the Golden Rule! Issues like this, however, prove that everyday manners can become very tangled, even more than Which Fork to Use.

Etiquetteer loves summer white, and really does not understand all these hipsters now changing out their summer black for their fall black. Etiquetteer believes this whole thing got started with Lily Hammersley, who later became the Duchess of Marlborough. During her first marriage she’d hang out at the Casino in Newport dressed completely in white and a total outcast. Her all-white wardrobe was branded as affected. Indeed, there were even cutting remarks about her in the paper! Later, after she’d moved away from Newport, everyone started wearing total white for the summer.* The first regiment in battle always takes the most bullets . . .

Just when and how to wear white becomes a little blurry – grayer, if you will – after Labor Day and before Memorial Day. The first thing to establish, since you all are heading off to the beach, is that white shoes and handbags are Perfectly Proper at resorts, even in autumn. Keep in mind that all the locals will recognize you as tourists, and therefore new in town and "ripe for the picking," as those Dickensian pickpockets used to say.

Daily life brings with it more restrictions, and one of the most inviolable is No White After Labor Day. White shoes, white handbags, white slacks, white jeans, white jackets, and especially white dinner jackets for men – are all Absolutely Improper in autumn, winter, and spring. No less a person than Katie Couric is still learning this important lesson, now that she’s taking justified criticism for wearing a white jacket for her first evening newscast. White gloves, on the other hand, are always Perfectly Proper for ladies, and Etiquetteer hopes you’ll run right off to get a pair to go with your Navy Red or Cherries in the Snow lipstick.

Dear Etiquetteer: After your advice earlier this summer, I just wanted to let you know that I got a lot of compliments on the seersucker suit I wore to the wedding (and a few Matlock comments), and there was at least one other person who wore seersucker to the wedding.

Dear Well-Suited: Thank you for letting Etiquetteer know! Let skeptics everywhere note (and you know who you are) that at an informal evening wedding in summer, a seersucker suit is just as Perfectly Proper as a dark suit.

*More on this charming lady and other American duchesses in Marian Fowler’s lovely book In a Gilded Cage.

Reader Response, Vol. 5, Issue 21

Finally we are passed Memorial Day, and Etiquetteer knows you are all happily wearing white with Perfect Propriety. As you see, Etiquetteer has made the switch, too! Etiquetteer has taken a bit of flak over a recent column about how to deal with talkative strangers: Shame on you! Old people rarely get the company they deserve. I remember meeting an elderly gentleman on a streetcar in San Francisco. He said he rode it all day just to have something to do and if anybody talked to him, that just made it a great day. That man next to you was probably talking about your salad because that was all he knew the two of you had in common. Isn't there a compromise somewhere where you could eat and this man could get a little human communication? Etiquetteer responds: Etiquetteer is not questioning why that nice old man was talking about the Cobb salad, or indeed the issue of lonely old people wandering cities across our nation looking for human interaction. But do you have any understanding of how difficult it is to eat food while people are talking about it? While wishing this old gentleman no ill will, Etiquetteer must sympathize with those who have only a limited time for lunch to get away from the stresses of the workday. And if this means you class Etiquetteer along with murderously self-absorbed Waldo Lydecker, well, so be it. Do you have any suggestions for how one might extricate oneself from such a chatterbox before reaching the point of rudeness? Something along the lines of “I’ve enjoyed listening to you. I’m going to return to my book now; this is one of the few times that I get the chance to read, and I do so enjoy it.” I recognize that chatters exist (my honey is one, and being a non-chatter myself, I appreciate the pressure it takes off me at parties to be verbal) but in my experience, many chatters chat because they are lonely and looking for any sort of human connection. In your examples the train platform lady is probably the latter. I ran into a lot of lonely people (mostly senior citizens) in my first job as a high school student, working in a pharmacy and occasionally delivering prescriptions. I was not very good at tearing myself away, and frequently had to explain to my boss why I'd been gone so long. A good method for extricating oneself from these situations is appreciated. Etiquetteer responds: Really, you just provided it. Your little speech suits the purpose almost to the point of courtliness. Etiquetteer could only add “Won’t you excuse me please?” to make it Perfectly Proper. As a delivery boy you can always say “Sorry, they keep me on a tight schedule and I can’t get in trouble.”