Dear Etiquetteer:
I just saw a photo of the Prince of Wales wearing a yarmulke to an official visit someplace. Obviously he’s not Jewish, so how can this be appropriate? Don’t you have to be Jewish to do that?
Dear Inquiring:
It’s not just appropriate for the Prince of Wales to wear that yarmulke, it’s mandatory. In a synagogue it is not just Perfectly Proper, but required* for every man to wear religious headgear, whether Jewish or not. This would be a small skullcap called a yarmulke or kippah. Synagogues should have them available, though Etiquetteer expects the Prince of Wales to have brought his own. The Prince acted appropriately and respectfully by honoring this requirement.
Etiquetteer has had to honor it in the past, too. Touring the synagogues of the Venice Ghetto several years ago, all the men on the tour were required to wear a yarmulke. The value of a hairpin or two to anchor them in place cannot be overemphasized, especially for those with exuberantly full heads of hair like Etiquetteer. (If you know you’re going someplace where you’ll have to wear a yarmulke, bring a couple hairpins with you in case the synagogue doesn’t have them.)
But longer ago than that, at the start of Etiquetteer’s career, it was necessary to attend the memorial service of a colleague’s mother in a Jewish funeral home. Etiquetteer, identifiably goyim, was sitting near the front with other colleagues, wearing the yarmulke provided; thankfully it was on the larger side and not in danger of sliding off at every turn of the head. A pair of late-arriving colleagues — how to say this? — made their presence felt from the back of the room during the service. Back at the office, one of them said “We turned to each other and whispered ‘Is that Etiquetteer wearing a yarmulke?’ and completely got the giggles.” Turns out they were also stoned to the gills, so maybe don’t toke yourself silly before a memorial service either.
Thank you for sharing your curiosity about this practice with Etiquetteer.
*. . . is required in all Orthodox, Conservative and Reconstructionist congregations and in some Reform congregations.” -- from How to Be a Perfect Stranger: A Guide to Etiquette in Other People’s Religious Ceremonies, edited by Arthur J. Magida (1996), page 215.