“Always respect the flag of the United States. Do not handle it carelessly or use it frivolously. To do so is an offense to the good taste of everyone and a disservice to your country.” — from Eleanor Roosevelt’s Book of Common Sense Etiquette (1962)
June 14 being Flag Day, this is a Perfectly Proper opportunity for Etiquetteer to refresh you all on what is and isn’t Perfectly Proper concerning the Stars and Stripes. A few issues seem to pop up regularly because people either get fussy about other people’s behavior, or careless about their own.
Periodically a news story appears about a homeowner’s association being sued by a homeowner because a tattered American flag — not just a flag, but a tattered flag — was displayed on their property. Generally it’s discovered that the flag was associated with a deceased veteran, and the homeowner’s association loses the case. This is Perfectly Proper. The Freedom to Display the American Flag Act of 2005 was signed into law in 2006 to nip these disagreements in the bud. Fly your flag proudly, and if you have a problem with how someone else is displaying the flag at their own home, keep quiet.
That said, it is generally poor form to fly a tattered flag, and Etiquetteer would wish that families who cherish memories of beloved veterans would retire those flags to folded indoor display and fly a flag in good condition outside. When a flag does need to be retired from service, the only way to do so is by burning; the flag must never be cut, and its fabric must never be repurposed — for instance to patch clothes.
Uncovering one’s head is another civilian mark of respect for the flag that needs to be emphasized. Once it was only men who needed to uncover and hold their hats over their hearts when the flag passed by. Now, with greater calls for gender neutrality as well as near-universal wearing of baseball caps by all, everyone does, including you. Pleas of Bad Hair Days*, feelings of momentary inconvenience — it doesn’t matter. Stand at attention, remove your hat, and hold it over your heart with your right hand until the flag has passed by. Eleanor Roosevelt reminds us in her Book of Common Sense Etiquette that this must be done every time the flag passes by in a parade, no matter how many delegations fly one.
Finally, let’s consider the “frivolous” aspect of flag usage that Mrs. Roosevelt prohibits. In her book she says “The flag must never be used as a decoration on paper napkins**, clothing, draperies***, tablecloths, boxes, or on personal or business stationery.” She wrote that in 1962. Since that time, we have all seen (and perhaps worn) a wide variety of Stars-and-Stripes gear. Often designers skirt this rule by rearranging the elements so that their product doesn’t look exactly like the flag. This honors the letter of the rule more than its spirit, and while Etiquetteer isn’t going to condemn flag-style fashion, this is an opportunity to consider whether the symbolism of the flag is trivialized when adopted as a decorative motif. The most vulgar example has to be the American flag made of caviar in The Manchurian Candidate of 1962 (see above).
Of course true respect for the flag is shown much less by what we wear than how we behave as citizens: being intelligently informed about national affairs and voting in every election. Etiquetteer wishes you a Flag Day of Perfectly Proper thoughtful reflection.
*Remember when “bad hair day” became a cultural phenomenon in the 1990s?
**The idea of blowing one’s nose into an American flag couldn’t be more disrespectful, and we know very well that paper napkins often do double duty as tissues.
***Bunting, of course, is always Perfectly Proper, with the blue at the top, then white, then red.