Dear Etiquetteer:
You’re the one always talking about how important “Lovely Notes” are, but maybe you haven’t had my problem. I am the only person in my family who can read a particular person’s handwriting. So anytime anyone in my family gets a thank-you note or a gift, they have to come to me to decipher it. I’m getting a little tired of the eye rolls and calls of “Mom, I can’t read this!” This person is too old for me to say “You need to improve your handwriting,” but is it okay if I ask for future notes to be typed or printed? I know you’re always telling us how meaningful actual handwriting is, but how meaningful can a message be if you can’t read it without help? So, Etiquetteer . . . help!
Dear Corresponding:
Good penmanship is an important aspect of Perfect Propriety, shockingly neglected in schools over the last couple decades. (This is just one of many articles lamenting its decline and fall.) But bad penmanship has been around even longer, which is why there are penmanship books for adults still in print. (If you do an internet search for “penmanship exercises for adults” you’ll see many choices.)
This situation isn’t going to solve itself with silence. A conversation needs to take place, but you must approach it from a place of kindness because your correspondent’s motives are kindly. Try to put yourself in the space of “X is trying to maintain a relationship with us but doesn’t realize how these notes are being received” instead of “It’s so frustrating not to be able to read these notes all the time.” Then you can be honest about what’s happening and suggest more legible communications.
Now Etiquetteer has a question for you. Are these family members for whom you’re interpreting over the age of consent? If so, they are old enough to maintain their own relationships with this person without you as go-between. Next time they come to you with “I can’t read this,” remind them “You know how to contact this person — call or text and ask for a translation.”
Etiquetteer wishes you and your particular person many more Legible Lovely Notes in the future.