Today is National Caviar Day - because the internet said so* - so why not turn to how to enjoy this rarest of delicacies? There are Those People who, like Joan Crawford’s character Flaemmchen in Grand Hotel**, believe “Have caviar if you like, but it tastes like herring to me!” But all Those People need to say is “No, thank you.” That leaves more caviar for the True Believers. But don’t start reaching for the dish too quickly. Aside from Gluttony being a sin and all that, looking greedy and grabby is simply Not Perfectly Proper.
Caviar needs special equipment. Metal is not Perfectly Proper, because the caviar absorbs its flavor. That means no silver spoons. Mother-of-pearl caviar spoons would completely underscore the luxury of the experience, but horn, bone, tortoiseshell, and even wooden spoons preserve the flavor of caviar. It also needs to be served on ice, so a crystal or glass bowl within a bowl is usual. Obviously big old ice cubes are simply not going to work here. You’re going to need finely crushed ice.
A monogrammed two-part caviar bowl with horn spoon.
Caviar, like Champagne, is unquestionably identified with luxury. But they are not always, as the slogan goes, “Two great tastes that taste great together.” Etiquetteer prefers to follow the advice of the late Sir Noel Coward: “Caviar is no good in bright sunshine. It needs chopped egg, seductive lighting, and vodka.”*** Caviar, like vodka, is unquestionably identified with Russia, but that’s not the only reason they pair well. Vodka cleanses the palate more effectively. But those who love Champagne need not be forced to forgo it. For the best Champagne experience with caviar, choose the very driest Champagne you can find. This is not an occasion for Sweetness, though it may engender it in your dinner partner.
That mother-of-pearl spoon is not used to put the caviar directly into your mouth (unless you are alone in the kitchen with your caviar and your conscience). Dab it onto a toast point or a plain cracker (perhaps a Melba toast round?) and then eat. You could also go in for blinis, the traditional Russian pancake, instead of toast or crackers. Fans of Isak Dinesen’s Babette’s Feast will recall happily that Babette included Blinis Demidoff on the menu.
We often see caviar served with some tiny little bits to add to it: sour cream, hard-boiled egg whites and hard-boiled egg yolks****, chives, and minced onion. Minced. Not sliced, not chopped. Minced into teeny tiny little bits. If you can’t mince an onion with Perfect Propriety, you need to get a good mincer or leave it to the pros. (That’s one reason you don’t see Etiquetteer serving caviar.) There are those who say the tiny little bits only help less than top-quality caviar, and others who insist on them. Etiquetteer tends to avoid them because they can be so messy, scattering here and there when they are supposed to stay on the caviar. Remember, tiny portions.
Etiquetteer will actually be spending National Caviar Day abstaining - not just because of the cost, but because of poaching and overfishing in the Caspian Sea. More on that here. Instead, Etiquetteer will be delving into Inga Saffron’s interesting 2002 book Caviar: The Strange History and Uncertain Future of the World’s Most Coveted Delicacy. But if you’re indulging, enjoy every mouthful!
*Dear Internet: why on earth is a day dedicated to enjoying caviar scheduled in the summer? Really, a food that has to be kept ostentatiously ice cold to be enjoyed with Perfect Propriety ought to be observed at a cooler time of the year.
**Credit to screenwriter William A. Drake for the line.
***From his delightful short story “Bon Voyage.”
****They must be kept separate!