Etiquetteer was interested to know what readers thought about how Perfect Propriety might change after the end of the coronavirus pandemic quarantine lockdown (if it ever ends). Thanks to all who took the survey. The results have been interesting! And please note: the percentages do not all add up to 100% because not all respondents answered all questions.
FACE MASKS
Face masks have become the new must-have accessory this year, and Etiquetteer asked what readers felt about them for the future.
No one felt “Face masks should look alike, like a school uniform, to play down economic differences.”
42% felt “It doesn't matter what a face mask looks like, as long as it looks simple and effective.”
42% felt “People should be able to wear whatever mask they choose, regardless of what it looks like.”
17% felt “People should be able to wear a mask or not. It's a free country.”
Unsurprisingly, face masks have definitely become a means of creative expression. But Etiquetteer must respectfully disagree with the 17%. Wearing a face mask in public is an expression of consideration for others. In public one is often unable to practice social distancing, sometimes unexpectedly. Besides, no one, including oneself, can know who is or isn’t asymptomatic. Wearing a mask in public is Perfectly Proper. Period.
FORMS OF GREETING
When asked what might replace the handshake, here’s how readers responded:
34%: Simple nod of the head
22%: Simple bow from the waist
22%: Namaste greeting
6%: Long-distance fist bump
3% Vulcan salute
Interestingly, two of the comments emphasized hugging, perhaps not considering that a greeting of the future would not involve physical contact of any kind (except by mutual consent). Two others suggested the elbow bump; that could happen, though Etiquetteer doesn’t really consider it dignified (and it always calls to mind Madeline Kahn in Young Frankenstein). Another respondent said “I'm confident that handshakes will remain as they have for thousands of years.” Etiquetteer, so far, does not share that confidence. Some alternate suggestions also appear in this article from AARP.
WEDDINGS
When asked if the era of the Big Wedding was ending due to the coronavirus, respondents said:
58% said “Maybe. I think weddings may get a little smaller, but there will still be large weddings.”
31% said “No, people will resume pre-pandemic ways to attend weddings.”
11% said “Yes, I think fewer people will want to travel long distances to participate in weddings.”
We have already seen how creatively many Happy Couples have been in continuing to hold wedding ceremonies using social distancing guidelines and videoconferencing software like Zoom. Etiquetteer predicts that, as more and more people realize how easy it is to participate in a wedding without the expense and inconvenience (and risk of illness) related to travel, that weddings will shrink once the quarantine has ended. Happy Couples of the Future need to be prepared to broadcast the ceremony regardless.
Etiquetteer has covered questions received through the survey in other columns, and here is one final query:
Dear Etiquetteer:
When interacting with friends and family, how can we balance the duty to be cheerful and positive without denying sadness and loss?
Dear Smiling:
This often feels like one of the biggest challenges, doesn’t it? It’s important not to deny sad feelings, which is such a departure from the etiquette of the past. Once upon a time it was bad manners to bring up anything disagreeable. Nowadays we know that that sort of suppression is unhealthy, and we can acknowledge our emotions more openly. The Perfectly Proper answer to “How are you?” is always “Very well, thank you.” But when it gets asked the second time - “But darling, how are you? How have you been doing through all this?” - you can be more candid. “Things can be difficult some days, so much is changing. But I do my best to keep my spirits up.” And then you can briefly share some specifics about your coping mechanisms if you like, and ask about theirs.
It is challenging to find Joy and Stability at this time, but Etiquetteer encourages you to continue to seek them out as you check in with friends and family.