Once the pandemic is over (will it ever be over?), once quarantine, lockdown, social distance, all of the above get lifted, Etiquetteer believes our collective behavior will change permanently. But how? Here are some predictions and suggestions. And here’s a link to a quick four-question survey so you can share your opinions, too.
The face mask is here to stay, at least for the foreseeable future. Who knows when, if ever, we’ll be able to go out in public without face masks. Some sources say we’ll need to wear masks until a coronavirus vaccine is successfully launched, which could take at least a year. As of this week, seven states require masks to be worn in public; that number will grow. But even after a vaccine, there will be fellow citizens anxious about exposure who will continue to wear masks in public. Etiquetteer supports this, and we as a society need to be prepared to create a non-judgmental space for those who choose to do so.
Questions will come up about how utilitarian or frivolous masks should be. Indeed, those questions are already being raised. Should they equalize all classes, or should they be used as badges of individuality? Etiquetteer is inclined to go with the latter, but worries about ostentatious “luxury” masks coming into vogue among Those With Excess Income. The necessity of everyone having to wear a mask in public should unite us, not highlight our economic differences. That said, everyone having to wear surgical blue makes us too anonymous. Here we might take our cues from late 18th-century Venice, when everyone wore masks for its perpetual Carnival. Etiquetteer vaguely remembers from a book about Casanova his arrangement of an assignation with a young woman “whose mask had a red rosebud painted under the right eye,” or something like that. Let’s make our masks a stamp of who we are, but without luxury branding or ostentatious detailing.
How we greet each other is changing. The handshake is on its last legs. Etiquetteer has never liked hearing the phrase “I don’t shake hands,” but Those Who Don’t Shake are on the ascendant as we learn more about human-to-human transmission of the coronavirus. Once we’re all allowed to meet in public again, will we start shaking hands? Etiquetteer thinks not, and let’s hope Los Angeles has given up on the unsustainable nonsense of the “L.A. Hug.” But what will we do instead? Bow from the waist? Nod graciously? Give the Vulcan salute? The namaste greeting? Long distance fist bump? Something else? Whatever greeting it turns out to be, Etiquetteer needs it to be dignified to be universal, something that expresses respect to the receiver and giver of the greeting.
And how will we react graciously to Those Who Don’t Know and Don’t Care and keep offering their hands for handshakes? The phrase “I don’t shake hands” may come into its own.
We are all going to have to get comfortable with total strangers commenting about our behavior. Everyone has different boundary issues heightened (or not) by social distancing. Etiquetteer agrees that if someone is within six feet of you, you have a right to speak up about it and should. That also means the person you have to speak to shouldn’t take it personally, and should back up cheerfully whether they believe the coronavirus is a political hoax or not. This is so counter to what we’ve been taught about “Live and let live,” but the lives, health, and safety of those around us, and our own selves, is in the balance here.
The era of the large wedding is ending. Etiquetteer deeply admires the Happy Couples who have found ways to proceed with their weddings despite travel bans and social distancing*. In the current climate of virus-risky air travel and other hurdles, Etiquetteer predicts long distance friends and relatives will discover that they are quite comfortable (and saving a passel of money) celebrating a wedding from the safety and comfort of their own homes. Of course we want to be with loved ones when the tie the knot, and many Happy Couples genuinely want to share their happiness with all their families and friends and are not actually in it for the gifts. Expectations about the success of a wedding based on its size will need to change.
No one will dress up any more, and haberdashers and dry cleaners will go out of business. It’s always a greater sin to be overdressed than underdressed (unless, of course, you’re undressed), and the marvelous William Hanson has already put forward the definitive word on proper dress for teleconferencing. That definitive word doesn’t include a coat and tie. And indeed, Etiquetteer has hardly been running about the house in a suit and tie either (except for Dress Dinner Challenge every Saturday night). Etiquetteer predicts that, once the economy reopens, many companies will discover that they got along just fine with everyone working from home and will find ways to keep them there, reduce the size of their offices through hoteling . . . and then employees will have even more opportunities to dress down. You can imagine how Etiquetteer feels about this prospect while brushing up the seersucker suits for summer.
Again, Etiquetteer is very interested to know your own opinions about these issues. Thanks for your time and attention on this brief survey.
*Indeed, a friend of Etiquetteer’s, a beautiful bride, just tied the knot with her husband a few days ago by themselves with an officiant, all of them six feet apart. She wore a beautiful white lace afternoon dress (e.g. not floor length) and their wedding reception for two took place at their kitchen counter with a delicious, elaborate small wedding cake. Etiquetteer cannot think of anything more romantic or delightful.